Baby Mustaches

It's getting to be that time of year again.
Leaves are falling, wind is howling, Christmas decorations are selling.
Wait... What?
Yep, you read right.  Christmas came reeeeealllly early this year.  Heck, before it was even October, most stores made way for Christmas inventory.  It makes me sicker than a glass of fuzzy eggnog.
I happen to love Halloween.  And this year, now that we have a Poopmonster, we get to go trick-or-treating (yay!).  I'm a kid at heart, what can I say.
Last year we forwent spooktacular activities on the account that a] I was incredibly pregnant and b]the Beau is a homebody.  Apparently I was lucky the previous year to get him to go out at all on All Hallow's Eve.  Of course, he was still trying to impress me back then.
Like I need impressing.
Which leads up to this tutorial.
I am a sucker for facial hair.
Tom Selleck, Sam Elliot, Jason Momoa from Stargate:  Atlantis.  All have great facial hair.
And what's better than a man with facial hair?
A Poopmonster, of course!

For a Pacistachio, you'll need:
Pacifier
Newspaper, printer paper, or similar (for mustache template)
Writing utensil
Felt
Scissors
Velcro
Superglue
Update: I found Velcro dots.  They don't smell!

1]Fold paper in half, draw half a mustache.
2] Cut out mustache on fold, unfold, and make sure it will fit on your felt piece.
3]Fold mustache template in half, likewise with felt.
4]Cut out felt mustache!

 5]Cut pieces of Velcro to size of pacifier nub.
6]Glue soft part to paci, the hooked part to the mustache.
7]Be patient... It's drying!
8]Attach.
9]Find a baby to model.

Motivation has its pitfalls

For the most of yesterday, I slouched around the house.  I slouched in the living room, I slouched in the kitchen, I slouched on the floor... Frankly, I slouched while I was slouching.  And, boy, does my butt hurt.
However, around 4 o'clock or so, Motivation made its nasty appearance.  So I got on the 'Net.  And do you know what I discovered?  Of course you don't, you don't even know who the heck I am.  Hell, I don't even know who the heck I am.
But I digress.
What I found whilst doing random searches was the magical, sparkly land of sugar scrubs.  Yep, beauty products.
If any of you who do know me are reading this, don't be alarmed.  They aren't for me.  I would never allow myself to become all soft and silky.  I like being rough and spiky.
I just like making things.
Anywho, I found some pretty good recipes online, but, being myself, I decided I'd stray away from the recipe and experiment.
I looooooove experimenting.

 So I made three different experimental scrubs.
And spiced instant pudding mix.
That recipe is to come later.
Keep reading to find the recipes for:  Lavender Oatmeal Scrub, Delicious Mocha Scrub, and Spiced Chai Scrub.
These smell so wonderful that it's hard to not eat them.  Also, making them is addictive.  And sticky.

WARNING! The use of oils in a bathtub can be dangerous.  Please, please, please make sure you scrub the tub out well with baking soda and warm water (or similar) to ensure safety.  The Beau reminded me to point this out to you, as he about fell on his but in the shower last night.  Oops.

 Lavender Oatmeal Scrub
1 cup sugar (I used white sugar because I'm cheap when it comes to gift-giving)
1 cup brown sugar (ditto)
1 cup oatmeal
1ish cup oil (grapeseed, olive, coconut.  I used expired grapeseed)
10+ drops lavender essential oil

1]Mix all dry ingredients together.
2]Pour in oil 'til desired consistency is reached.  Stir.
3]Add essential oil.

Really, you could use whatever essential oil you like, just make sure you know what you're dealing with before getting all gung-ho and getting a sunburn.

Painted fabric jar lids.  Tutorial soon.

 Delicious Mocha Scrub
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 T coffee
1 T unsweetened cocoa powder
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t nutmeg
1/2 t ground ginger
1/4-1/2 c oil (again, the choice is yours)

Mix all together!

Cheap ingredients!

Vanilla Chai Scrub
1 c white sugar
1 c brown sugar
6 chai tea bags (opened)
1 t cinnamon
1/2 t cloves
1 T honey
2/3 c oil (I used EVOO)
1 vanilla bean(or 1 t vanilla extract)

Scrape vanilla bean.  Store innards (I'll post a pudding recipe later to use it up).  Mix all ingredients.  Chop up vanilla bean pod and stick segments into container(s) with mix for a more homey vanilla flavor.

Recipes that were part of the experiment.  Some of them didn't make the cut.

To store your amazing (and addictive) scrubs, shovel them into glass containers (like an old pasta sauce jar, baby food jar, or similar [the wider the mouth, the easier to scoop]) and use up within 2 or 3 weeks.  It's best not to use them while showering because a]chances are, you'll slip and fall, and b]water in the scrub can make it moldy.
I hope you enjoy!
Cheers.

Cinch Belt Semi-Tutorial!

Finely, I've some free time!
So I thought I'd upload some directions on making a snapped cinch belt.  Hopefully I'll find some batteries soon to take pictures to go along with the directions and doodle.
(Psst.  This is my first actual sewing tutorial.  How exciting!)

Alrighty, so here goes.

Supplies:
Enough fabric to go 'round waist plus a little extra, and at least 7 inches wide (prewash and iron!)
Interfacing, stiff cotton, or similar the same length and width as fabric (I used felt 1/2 inch short all way round to decrease bulk)
Snaps of some sort (I found some gripper snap fasteners at the local thrift store for 10 cents.)
Tool(s) to apply snaps (hammer, pencil, spool, or whatever your snaps require)
scissors/rotary cutter
pins
sewing machine
iron

The first thing you need to do is measure your waist.  This is the part of your trunk that is naturally the smallest (think possibly under the rib cage).
Take this measurement and add about 3 1/2 to 4 inches.  Broken down, this is approximately 1 inch for seam allowance and 2 1/2 to 3 inches for your snaps.
(Make sure you write this number down somewhere so you don't forget it.  If you're like me, you'll forget your measurement AND misplace the bit of paper you wrote the number down on.)

Next thing to do is to measure and cut your fabric.  It needs to be your ending waist measurement long by 7 inches wide (for a 3 inch finished belt).  Measure twice, cut once!  All seams are 1/2 inch.
Fold your rectangle in half (like a hotdog bun), right sides together, and iron.  If you're using some sort of interfacing (stiff cotton, iron-on, etc.), fold and pin to rectangle.  Sew along one short side and the long open seam.  You now have a tube that's closed on one end. (1, 2).  Trim seams to 1/4 inch (except the open end), clip corners, and turn (3 [this may be a little difficult with the interfacing; just be patient!]).  If you want, migrate the seam to the middle of the belt and press.

Fold  the open end inwards (press if necessary).  Use a straight stitch and top stitch all the way 'round the edges (1/8 to 1/4 inch, depending on your preferences [4]).

Use your original waist measurement to place the snaps (5).  (Let's say my waist was 33 inches, so I measured 33 inches on the belt and found I had 3 extra inches, which I divided evenly among the ends.)  Mark with pins or washable fabric pencil.

Now it's time to apply the snaps!  Follow the instructions that came with your snaps (or look up on YouTube for a how-to; some thrift finds come without instructions).  Use desired amount of snaps on the ends (REMINDER!  Make sure you put the female snap on the opposite side and end from the male snap.  If not, your belt will be twisted and very uncomfortable!)
(ALSO:  make sure your snaps line up correctly before applying.  They are a pain to remove, and 9 times out of 10 will ruin your project)

Now pull out that flowing dress or roomy top and flaunt your new belt!  (If you had to go out to the Beau's shop to apply snaps, you might want to remove the sawdust first)

Cheers!

Where has the motivation gone?

Holey woolen socks, Batman!
It's been a while since my last post.
I do have pictures and a tutorial (of sorts) coming up.
I just need to find the time to start up my ol' dinosaur to upload and post.
As the Poopmonster naps, however, I find myself trying to get back into sewing.
I've started my own shop on Facebook (well, more of a perusing place than shop.  I need to finish up on Etsy).
Just search for AngryKat & Co if interested.
There isn't a lot posted yet, but it is to come (mainly because my memory card is full).
Tonight, maybe, another post!

Fluffy Homemade Tortillas (Surprisingly and Delightfully Easy!)

I've been reading around in blogverse, and I've come to the conclusion that to be a popular blog, one must update constantly... as in daily, or even hourly.  I do not have this kind of time, seeing as I'm on my way to quitting the farm, trying to start my own business, and keeping the house in (barely) running order.  And all while chasing after a twenty-some pound nine month Poopmonster who thinks cat is a major part of the food pyramid.

Anyway, I do make a little time to cook, so here's what I've been doing this week:

Yes, it's a tortilla.

TORTILLAS!

Of course, around here, they don't last too long, so I avoid the extra work of rolling them into circular shapes and just let the dough do what it will.

These are incredibly shiny.  And trust me, they turn out excellent every time.  This recipe is actually written down, unlike my Chocolate Chip Cookies of Doom! recipe, which is actually an experiment still in the works...

Okay, okay, on to the recipe.

INCREDIBLY FLUFFY TORTILLAS
3 cups flour (I use whole wheat)
1 cup ice water (or very chilly)
3 T fat of choice (butter, coconut oil, EVOO... Whatever floats your boat.  {I like it with EVOO})
1-ish t salt (too much salt makes them taste like pretzels.  Ick)
2 t baking powder
Pinch of baking soda

Mix all the dry ingredients first.  Add your fat of choice, combine 'til crumbly.  Slowly pour on the water (minus the ice), and mix.  I prefer being messy, so I usually use my hands for this.
Knead a few times until it comes together (like above picture).

Pull off golf ball or larger chunks, roll into a semi-round shape, dust counter and ball with flour, and use a rolling pin to flatten.  It needs to be pretty thin to cook quickly.

This is as close to round as they get.

Before you get too far into rolling, heat a skillet, griddle, or other flat stove top pan.  Roll out a few more tortillas while the pan heats.
Fling your flattened raw tortilla onto the hot skillet, and watch as the bubbles rise, much like a pancake!
Once the bubbles are set (this takes less than a minute sometimes), flip the tortilla over.  Cook for about another minute.  Flop onto a plate.

And watch as they disappear before your very eyes!
I hope this turns out better than the cookies.
And hopefully the instructions are a little easier to understand as well.
This is a great kid's recipe, too.  Really easy and really tasty.  Hope you enjoy!
Note:  These turn out a little thicker than standard tortillas, almost like a really thin flatbread.  If you roll them a little thicker and smaller, they make great skinny buns for burgers.  I have yet to try this gluten-free.  Me mum is gluten-intolerant, so I'm sure she'd appreciate a tortilla that didn't taste like cardboard!

What I do during nap-time...

Today was an excellent day.
You want to know why?
Well, for one, my fingers are covered in super glue.
And two, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day!  Arrrgh.
Anyway, I've been going through closets, drawers, nooks, crannies, and hidey-holes and getting rid of things to prepare for our big move (which will hopefully be before the end of the year).  And I found this lovely number:

I can fit two of me in here!

A sleeve big enough for a leg.

Much better.

A double-XL Kansas University hoodie.  I have no idea how I came into possession of this, seeing as I dislike sports, especially sports on TV.
Anywho, I've been reading a blog by a crafty gal also named Kate, and I came upon an awesome sweater tutorial she did with an incredibly large hoodie.  Mine didn't turn out like hers exactly (I tightened mine up to fit like a regular hoodie, not a wrap), but I still found the instructions helpful.

I've been crafting; ignore the mess.

You can't really see in the pictures, but I nixed the fitted cuffs and left the edges rough.  It had side pockets, but those came off in the cutting stage.  Now I kinda wish I'd left them; they would have been helpful today during the grocery shopping.
This entire project took maybe an hour (or, roughly, the length of a Poopmonster nap).  Undoubtedly a fairly easy project for those who are seamstress-y disabled (like me).

Today, while in the Other Big City, I perused Goodwill for unneeded items.  I splurged on a ruffled dress, originally from Maurices, that surprisingly fit (a medium on a big-boned gal like me never felt so good), and made my already ample bosom even more noticeable.   Ah, well.  It's comfy, and that's what I like.
After finding the dress, I meandered around until I came upon the book section, when a light came on.
'Aha!' I cried, which frightened the nice Asian lady talking on the phone I was standing next to.  I had stumbled upon another marvelous tutorial at SeeKateSew, and I thought, 'I can do that!'  So for eleven bucks, I walked out with these

Don't worry, the book was sorta water damaged.

 and my ruffly dress.

After much cutting, cursing, and finger-gluing, my finished product turned out pretty nifty.  

Child of the Owl by Laurence Yep

The main selling point was the clasp.  It's a leaf!

 

Now I've a fun clutch for when the beau and I go out without the Poopmonster (ahahahahaha!).

Pregnancy and Faulty Elevators

The building I worked in had the worst management.  Right when we were getting ready to move out of our crummy space, the water went out.  There's nothing like getting there in the morning after over an hour's drive and finding out you can't pee because the toilets have overflowed.  I'm never working downtown again.

My Oh-So-Shiny Life

Here is Comic #1 on my incredibly shiny and colorful life (ha).  Hopefully some of you will like it.  Hopefully some of you will critique it (which hopefully will make me better).  And hopefully I can do more updating now that I'm back down to working just three days a week.  Enjoy!

It's been too long...

Good night, I need to update this more.  Maybe then I'd get more traffic.  And maybe I'd start writing again.  And after that would come writing Christmas letters again.
Ah, well.
For those of you who don't know (which is probably a good chunk of you), we've been battling Year Two of a very nasty drought here in the mid-mid-west (and the mid-west and other parts that aren't so mid as they are just west).  If any of you have ever experienced this before, you know that it is incredibly possible to fry an egg on the side walk, your car dashboard, and a park bench.  Temperatures have been in the high 90s, low(ish) 100s for well over a month now.  Of course, I've always said summer is the worst part of the year, mainly because you can only strip down so much.  Many people would probably prefer you not to strip down past the red long johns, but sometimes it's necessary to be buck-nekkid (even though this still isn't a reprieve from the brain-cooking temps).
Anywho, back on track here.
One of the worst things about drought (other that the heat and the irritability of the present company) is the lack of water.  Heck, that's what drought is, an absence of water.  Cows, horses, chickens, trees, gardens, they all need water.  Apparently, so do the bugs.  Ants especially.
We started having the problem last year.  I had just moved into town with my Beau.  I was a couple months pregnant, it was starting to really get searing outside, and I had just started working full(ish) time at the oil office.  All-in-all, I was one grumpy mama bear.  I had two cats when I was living out on the farm, and they came along with me to town (since the Beau frowned upon raising a baker's dozen of chickens, a young billy goat, and three wonderfully crazy found dogs in the garage).  Being pregnant, I couldn't clean the litter boxes (drats), so it was my duty to feed and water the prissy girls every day, twice a day.  That morning, after getting all 'dolled' up to head into the big city, I went back into the washroom to take care of the cats.  That's when I saw it, or should I say them.  A trail of tiny, yellow-reddish ants were marching around in the girls' food bowl as if they owned the joint.  At this point in my pregnancy, I was already a bit squeamish (it soon passed, thankfully).  I yelped, scuttled back out of the room (taking care to not step on any of the ants for fear they'd swarm all over me, much like that scene in The Mummy Returns.).  By this time, Beau had already been out of the house for an hour, so I decided that if the Motley and GirlCat (the cats) were hungry enough, they could scramble an egg or something, for I was not touching that food dish.
That year, after much pesticide spraying, cleaning, and general cussing, it finally got cool again and rained.
The ants left.
'Whew,' we thought.  'Finally.'
What we didn't realize was that after one year of drought, there was most likely going to be a next.
Which brings us up to now.  By happy accident, we've found out that a few cups of water, a tablespoon or two of peppermint castile soap, and a spray bottle are devastating to the local ant populating that has decided to take up residence in the bathroom and on the kitchen counter.  I just mix up about three cups of distilled or purified water and twoish tablespoons of peppermint castile soap (peppermint is a great ant deterrent), spray it on the little buggers, and watch gleefully as they seize up and die.  Yes, I may be sick in the head, but you'd have to be to live in this area.
The only downside that we've found so far that is if you let the dead ants and soap dry on the counter, when you wipe it off with a rag, you get crispy, minty dead ants all over your hands.
The process still needs some tweaking, but hopefully by this time next year, the new owners will have to deal with the uninvited guests.
And it'll rain.

Everyday Toxic Matter

Happy fourth of July to those of you who happen upon my very lonely and disorganized blog.

Several years ago after meeting my now-ex-college boyfriend's dad, I discovered the world of holistic medicine.  Ex-b's brother had several medical concerns, and so the family sought out alternative remedies to help him.  Thus began my interest in things not-mainstream.
Fast-forward a few years, a few pounds, and one baby.  I began working at the local herb shop in our small town, mostly because I was (again) interested in alternative medicines, and also because I was looking for another vocation.  In the hall that leads to the back of the shop, there's several bookshelves filled to the brim with all sorts of guides, cookbooks, and manuals on how to better your life whilst bettering nature.  I've read a handful of these books and have enjoyed the learning experience.  Until last weekend.
As I browsed the stacks, I noticed a bright, happy cover with the title 'The Hundred Year Lie.'  I grabbed it, plunked down on the bar stool, and began reading.  The cover was incredibly misleading.  This was no sugar-coated guide to healthy living.  I shuddered as I realized that my family and I were poisoning ourselves by accident.
Which led to Monday's little adventure with a close friend and the county's Noxious Weed Department.  My friend helped (well, more like stood and watched) me empty both kitchen and bathroom sink cabinets of their chemical treasures, toss them into a bucket, and load it into the back of the truck.  We then got my little Poopmonster and made way to the NWD where a nice lady helped unload our encumbrance and reload the empty buckets (NO ONE can have my buckets!).
And then there was today.  I was doing a little surfing on the 'net, looking up a reason why my castille soap hair washing wasn't going well.  I came upon a blog that solved a few of my problems, and then led to some more for my Beau.  After an hour or so of reading and researching, I gathered ingredients to make my own deodorant, all-purpose cleaner, and dishwasher suds.  I also fixed my no 'poo problem (hopefully).  I call that a pretty darn productive day, even if the Beau didn't think so.

Revised and Annotated Chocolate Chip Cookies of Doom! Recipe

It's been a while, my few and unfaithful.
I should post more often, buuuut I've work, the Poopmonster, and general malaise (which, I strongly believe, is leading to massive laziness).  Also, I don't like the computer.  It's Evil.
Anywho, as promised (from the title, not the previous blog post), is my Beau's mama's cookie recipe... with a few minor guesstimated fixes.
Chocolate Chip Cookies
1/2 c lard
1 1/2 sticks butter-I used half coconut oil, half butter.
1/4 c apple sauce-I steamed and pureed an apple and then took the measurement from that.
1 smallish box of vanilla or butterscotch pudding-I would really like to find something else to use instead of pudding... I don't like pudding.
1 c sugar-I cut the sugar almost in half.  I thing it was 1/3c plus 2 or so tablespoons.
1 1/2 c brown sugar-Ditto as with the other sugar (cut in half, that is).
4 eggs
2 tsp vanilla-I added more (it was homemade).  I like vanilla.
approx 5 c flour-I used all whole wheat plus a little gluten-free mix I had left over.
2 tsp baking soda
2 c chocolate chips-I love the Sunspire Vegan Carob chips.  Very tasty.

1)Cream fats with sugars.  Add in sauce, pudding, vanilla and eggs (farm fresh!).
2)Add in the dry ingredients.
3)Stir in chocolate chips... If there are any left!
4)Grease cookie sheets.
5)Bake in a preheated oven at 350.  I don't know the exact time... I usually check on them every 15 minutes or so.
Well, there it is.  I'm not really sure if it's healthier, but they did taste better, and my gut didn't kill me after eating a few of them.  Happy baking!


re:  REVISED REVISED COOKIES OF DOOM!
I've done some more tweaking.

1 1/4 c coconut oil (I like Nutiva [I used 2 cups when I did this recipe.  I misread the 1 1/2 sticks of butter & 1/2 cup oil as  2 cups.  It pays to pay attention!  They were still yummy, though.])
1/4 c homemade apple sauce
1/4 c homemade chocolate instant pudding mix (I used the recipe here, but added 1/4 c cocoa powder [carob works, too] in place of the vanilla bean)
~1 c sugar  (I like using half granulated sugar with half molasses, maple syrup, or agave nectar)
4 eggs (none of which I had at the time of this recipe.  Eggs help hold things together!)
2 t vanilla extract
5 c flour (I had about 2 cups of a gluten-free blend and used whole wheat flour as the rest)
2 t baking soda
2 c chocolate chips (I also had a limited amount of chips [maybe 1/4 cup].  Thus the chocolate pudding)

Follow directions above for the other recipe.  Have a shiny time of it!

Chocolate Chip Cookies of Doom!!!

"So how does it feel to be an old man?" I asked my Beau earlier today when he came home for lunch.  His response was that of someone who had had decided he was tired of people asking him the same question over and over again.  He cautiously opened the fridge.
"What's for dinner?"
"Um... Hamburgers?  Something made from hamburger?  Chicken food?"  It's been a while since I've made a major grocery run to the big city, so we've been scraping meals together that have been solely cow protein.  He gave me a dirty look, and peered back into the Frigidaire.
About ten minutes later, it was decided for his birthday lunch he wanted biscuits and gravy.  I don't know about your biscuit and gravy recipe, but the only thing made from a recipe are the biscuits.  The chicken gravy (yes, chicken.  It's heavenly, healthy, and you don't have to drain off the grease!) is made from chicken, milk and flour.  We had to be quick, for he had to get back to work and do important work things, like standing behind a counter dealing with gruff amateur carpenters.
After dinner was cooked and eaten, he began to flip through HIS cookbook that contained recipes for when he moved from home (not that he ever used any until I moved in).  Finding the recipe of his mom's for chocolate chip cookies, he plunked the book down in my lap while I was feeding our Poopmonster, tapped the book several times, and said jollily, "All I want today is cookies."
I gave him a dirty look.  "It'd be more possible for me to go hand-fish a shark from the Ar-Kansas river, or  climb one of the new windmills, or maybe even kiss a spider that to bake cookies.  You know how my cookies turn out."
If anyone has ever seen a Frisbee fly through a kiln then get mooshed by a semi would then understand why my cookies are less than desirable.
"For meeeee?" He batted his eyelashes and pursed his lips.  Dang, I'm a sucker, I thought.
"All you have to do is make it exactly like what the recipe says.  No additions, subtractions or replacements.  Just. Exactly.  As.  Is.  Look, it even tells you how and when to mix it up!"
"Whatever," I shrugged.
The thing about this recipe is that it calls for ungodly amounts of fats, sugars and other nasty things.  However, being the good girlfriend, I began rummaging around the cabinets, freezers, and fridge until I found almost everything needed.  I was down three tablespoons of thawed butter and some applesauce.  This was going to be so fun!
 I quickly whipped out the baby food processor (it steams AND purees!) and dropped a couple of chopped apples in.  While that was working away, I dug up some coconut oil (to replace the missing butter) and got to work mixing up the rest of the batter.  First thing to go was the total of two and a half cups of sugar.  I reduced it to a little over a cup, added the pudding (which is entirely sugar anyway), and the rest of the ingredients.  By the time I was ready for the flour, the apples were done; into the mixer they went...

Yom.

Anywho, after all my toiling and slaving away over a hot stove, etc. etc., I pulled out the finished products from the blazing inferno.
They.  Are.  PERFECT.
I don't think I've ever made cookies this amazing.  They're floofy pillows of awesomeness (a phrase I've only heard guys used to describe female anatomy).  Perfectly browned, perfectly round, and just a hint coconutty.  I believe my cookie jinx is over.  Now, I've only to get them past my Beau's gullet before I tell him what's in them....

Obviously, they didn't last very long.

Experiment Still in the Works

Well, veggies are one thing I can disguise... as long as I overdo it on the garlic.
The other night, as promised, I attempted to sneak veggies into my Beau's supper.  It would have worked relatively well.  The carrot-pea-broccoli puree was well disguised in a garlicky tomato sauce I got at the store.  The chickpea balls disguised the coloring of the puree well within it's dry cheesiness.  There was not one hint anywhere within the house that I had used (gasp) vegetables in the evening meal.  His reaction to what I was serving up, however, was where it got gritty.
"What the hell is this?" he grunted as I coyly pulled the crispy golden balls from the oven and slid them into a bowl.
"It's Meatless... Wednesday.  It's good for you.  You can even put ketchup on it!"  I exclaimed a little too bubbly.  He gave me a raised eyebrow and took a nibble off of a smaller ball.  By the look on his hairy face, I knew he didn't enjoy it, but our silent agreement is that he has to at least eat it for one meal, lest my feelings are damaged (because my feelings are soooo fragile).  So he divvied up a serving, pausing with the spoon over the sauce.
Another raised eyebrow.
"You remember that really garlicky sauce I got the last time we were at the store?  I've miraculously tamed it.  Go on.  Eat."  He snorted, took a little taste, and laid the spoon back on the stove.
"Ick."
Needless to say, he slathered his meatless meal in Curly's Mesquite while I glumly chowed down on a garlic-infused feast.  Vampires won't be coming after me anytime soon!

Macaroni and Deceit

I've a problem.  A very large problem.  It involves my beau (heck, let's just call him 'Beau') and his amazingly keen sense of taste.
I love to cook.  I've been cooking ever since I was able to see the range top at Gramma's house.  Those first few dishes I prepared weren't really the tastiest (nor made of edible things), but I persevered until I evolved into the Messiest Chef you'll ever have the misfortune of knowing.
My boyfriend, who happens to be one of the neatest (both nifty and clean) guy I know, isn't much of a chef.  When we started dating, the weekend staples were mac&cheese, bologna sandwiches, and pancakes.  Not quite a balanced meal.  Whenever he came over to the farm, I'd whip up Thai, German, and seafood-inspired pizzas (which I grilled on my bullet-shaped smoker), couscous with all sorts of colorful goodies, home-butchered pheasant and rice casseroles, and many other delightful, healthy tucker that leaves one's mouth watering just reminiscing.
Then came the moving-in.
I soon came to the realization that all those weekend nights he spent at my place dining on buttermilk biscuits and grits and vegetable soup, he was really holding back his gag reflex.  It's been a year now, and I've successfully sneaked in a big whopping zero servings of veggies.
This is where this blog entry comes in.
In the next month (starting tomorrow), I will attempt to puree, mash, disguise, and stuff as many vegetables and fruits I can into each and every meal I make.  This is a great challenge, as he has the taste buds of.... well, someone who has really good taste buds.  This is an ill-written blog, but I'm doing it in between his trips in and out of the room.
Updates will be posted as soon as I get the results.
Wish me luck.

In the Beginning...

This being my first foray into the bloggerverse, I apologize.
Very few of you know what you're getting into by browsing my page.  You have many expectations, all of which I eagerly refuse to rise and meet with verve.  I am not that sort of gal.  Preferring to  blaze my own path of destruction, I will not only wow you with boring little anecdotes, I will attempt to attack all of your senses with a wild assortment of how-tos ranging from general housewivery (sewing, cooking, un-organization, etc.) to dirt tans, cow wranglin', and unconventional miscellany.  Pictures will hopefully follow.
You have been warned.